Sunday, September 5, 2010
Cover Up
So all of my life, I was taught strength. In the whole learning process of learning strength, I lost the ability to express emotion. So instead of showing emotion, I walked EVERYDAY with a smile on my face. When I'm hurt, I smile. When I'm sad, I smile. When I have the world on my shoulders, I take a drink and smile. Nobody knows when I am feeling a certain way because I smile. When I AM feeling down, I am unsure on how to express my feelings so I listen to the next person's troubles. My advice gives strentgh and hope to the next person which makes me smile. While I see this person grow from my simple words, I begin to soul search and wonder if my smile is......genuine.
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a smile beats a frown... Regardless of what you're going through, you smile and that alone is a genuine expression of strength. back straight chin up(I like that;))... it does not matter what obstacles come your way, you find a way to smile. never lose that because that is powerful and thats what makes Ang Rose beautiful! When Im mad or hurt its hard for me to smile, i think thats a skill! 1
ReplyDeleteThat's deep. Most people will take your beautiful smile at face value. But those closest to you may be able to see the emotions that lie underneath. There is also strength in allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
ReplyDelete@deirdre it is definitely a skill, I have always regarded you and your sister as strong women.
It's not easy at times to smile but I feel like it's the best thing that I can give to someone. Sometimes I walk down the street and just smile to myself because I need it. But ask me to try and cry. Ask me to pour my feeling out to somebody. In the past, every time I tried, it only brought me and the whole room down. I just don't understand. Or, I would get the vibe that nobody wanted to hear it because it wasn't that serious of a problem. So I trained myself to express myself in writing and writing and writing until I release. With that being said, I am going to reflect on a time that went out in the middle of the night. There were no lights in my parents backyard and it was shortly after I left my ex-husband. I went outside with my pen and book and wrote. Whatever came to my mind, I wrote. Nobody knew that I was such a wreck if you were around during my post marriage stage because I didn't show it. But as I remember that night of talking to my paper in the middle of the night when I couldn't even see what I was writing (and when I look at it now, it's just a scribbled mess with SO much meaning) I think about how I released so much tension that was built inside of me and I walked away with a smile.
ReplyDelete=^D Angie, your insight is far beyond your years.
ReplyDelete@anonymous, I just soak up the world around me and learn so I can speak out for us all. My life experiences might help somebody one day. We all have a voice and we all SHARE our voice in a unique way.
ReplyDeleteAngie, I love that you've done this blog!!! You're a TRUE STRONG woman that I admire and love. Go ahead with yo bad self and encourage the masses =) Im so happy for you that those emotional days are in your past and you're able to smile. Also smiling to give someone else a reason to smile, if its only for a second! Look past the people who look at you in a negative light, PERIOD! Strong woman and beautiful personality you posess will always shine through to the true indiviuals in your life. Much love, Sis <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Tasha. I'm very excited about the future ahead of me. Whatever is in the future, I'm ready for it. As far as the emotional days being behind me, there is no end to an emotional moment. It's how you handle the emotions that live within yourself. I just choose to work. Work, work and work some more to grow numb to the negative energy that draws the emotions. As far as people are concerned, I know who I am and that's the greatest gift that God has ever given me. The greatest joy of all is that I'm getting to know myself more and more everyday. Love you too sis.
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