I am Free

‎"The joy of being a poet is that we feel free to speak on what others fear..." -rose

Watch out everyone because the ropes are gone...I'm about to let myself completely free. Living a free life is to inspire others. Live what you believe in. I believe in equality with everybody. Who has the right to judge? Last time I check, God. So, since God is the only that should be judging us, why am I concerned when I'm being judged by someone equal to me. Just because you are older than me doesn't make you bigger and more important than me. Just because you have more education than me doesn't make you smarter than me. I have lived a life at the age of 28 years old that a 60 year old has never experienced. I lived a full life at the age of 24 and started a new life at the age of 24 1/2. I am here to live my life and love my life and share what I know about life to others. I will no longer hold back because there is so much to live for than to be restrained. I am FREE within myself!

Poetry

"There is a difference in being a poet than becoming a poet." -Deirdre Bethea(sister)

I have been inspired in levels that I never thought existed. My sister shared these words with me and helped me look at my art in a whole different level. I need to become a poet. I need to read, walk, talk, love, cook, make love all in a poetic flow. I will become a poet in the process of being a poet. I will become poetry.

I love this poem by:Ntozake Shange

i live in music

i live in music
is this where you live?
i live here in music
i live on c# street
my friend lives on b-flat avenue
do you live here in music
sound
falls round me like rain on other folks
saxophones wet my face
cold as winter in st. louis
hot like peppers i rub on my lips
thinkin they waz lilies
i got 15 trumpets where other women got hips
& a upright bass for both sides of my heart
i walk round in a piano like somebody
else be walkin on the earth
i live in music
live in it
wash in it
i cd even smell it
wear sound on my fingers
sound falls so fulla music
ya cd make a river where yr arm is &
hold yrself
hold yrself in a music

Written by Ntozake Shange

Living Life

Life is about living it. Live life to love it. Fall in love with life. It takes time to love life but once you learn what you want out of life, it's time to live. Make sure every move that you make in life is about change.

Some say that they never change but sometimes, you HAVE to change. Change is good if it's for the positive. Positive changes show growth and soon you'll be living your life to the fullest.

Regrets? That is not always a bad thing. We all wish that we could have done something different. But that's when make that change in life to live how YOU want to live. Realize that it's okay to regret some things, just change and live life and put the regrets behind you.

Change from experiences that you learned from and fall in love with yourself. Remember your past while moving onto your next day. Don't forget your past, embrace it and live for the future of change. Life is about progression, so fall in love with life and live life to the absolute fullest.

Respect

Respect. One key factor to self-confidence is demanding respect. If you allow someone to dis-respect you, this is a sign of weakness. I've learned that through my past marriage. You will respect me for the work and time that I give you. I always make one last attempt before I totally cut somebody off. I've learned to respect until I start feeling disrespected. I also give people the benefit of the doubt. I reach out because I can. As soon as I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, I give that last attempt. If that last attempt still steers me wrong, I cut that person out of my life (without them ever knowing). That's not being fake in any way, this is moving on with life. If I ever see that person, I'm still able to show love. Some say I'm too nice. I'm just a silent but observant person that makes decisions on people based on what they present themselves as while keeping a smile on my face. No, I'm not smiling in your face and talking about you behind your back, I'm just politely giving you a smile. There's no time in my life to talk about you because you already gave me an answer about you. No more mind questioning is needed out my energy. I'm a good judge of character. I demand respect in a very polite way.

A Coach's Role

A coach. A coach is someone who teaches a player how to become. They teach that player what they need to know to be the best that they can be in whatever sport or activity. I've learned, as a coach, that there is more to it than coaching the sport or activity. When you stand in front of that group that you're coaching, those players see a role model. While you are standing there in front of them, they are reading you. They know if you are passionate about what you have to coach. They know if you care. They can read why you decided to teach them. They want to know. As the coach teaches them day by day, the players gain an amount of respect. They will either respect this coach or disrespect the coach. A coach that cares will notice if the players begin to respect them . A coach that cares will demand the respect and give it as well. A coach that cares will listen to the players and learn what he/she needs to develop those players. A coach will learn everyday and will feel good about what they taught. A coach will know that their players will feel good about themselves when they leave practice and they will be confident when it's game time. This is the best part about being a coach; knowing that they are learning from what you are teaching.

My Son's Window

Looking through my son's window
The shield of glare
As the light
Radiates off the glass
Blocking the view
Of what God has placed
In front of him
"Look at mommy"
I yell at him
Not knowing that
He Can't
His frustration causes
Negative actions
I continue to
Ignore signs
Of the glare in his window
Until one day I notice
His squint
On a cloudy day
I take him in to get checked out
"Legally blind,
possibly 100% blind any day,
check up every 3 months,
we gotta keep a close eye on him"
I imagine what he sees and
I place myself in his shoes.
I can't believe
That this is what he sees,
Or doesn't.
Looking out my son's window
I become angry, frustrated
Irritated so I begin to
Eliminate
Myself from society.
The urge to stay home
Because outside of this front door
Everything moves too fast.
I don't want to play sports
Because my head begins to pound.
Don't ask me to play,
I really don't want to.
Looking through my son's window
I notice the curtains beginning to close
I pull the string to open the curtains wider
But every string I pull
It closes the curtains.
Looking through my son's window
I realize the strength that
My son possesses,
An everyday fight to pull that string
Hoping that this dark light
That's shielding him from clear site
Of the world
Brings light of sight
I can say that
Looking through my son's window
I realize how I don't posses the strength
That he has, which builds
My admiration
For such a strong young boy
That his mother is raising.

Pouring Heart

My heart pours.

My heart pours to the child with lost eyes.

My heart pours to the woman with weak cries.

My heart pours to the mother with a lost child.

My heart pours to the father who works hard to try.

My heart pours,

So I send my love to the world that wants a smile.

A Perfect World

I am able to live a free life. Too many people are enslaved by society. 'I wonder what THEY are gonna think of me if I do this or do that.' Who gives a damn what you do with your life! I just hope that one day everyone will worry about themselves and accept others for who they grow to become. Everyday we learn more about ourselves and learn to accept ourselves. If everyone understood that we are who we are, than the world would be such an acceptable place to live. But then again, that would be considered a perfect world. Heaven, maybe.

Child's Hard Work

Kids are amazing. Earlier today my son was working on his homework and he was very frustrated. He is learning subtraction and didn't know how to do it because he didn't have a number chart. I told him to grab a scratch piece of paper and just draw circles and cross out however many he needed to. So he got a piece of paper and started working on his homework. He was so focused. Now it's a few hours later and my boys are sleep in their room. I notice that his homework is on the table and as I look at it, I can't help to feel prod of him. I look over his work and it is 100% correct and he has his little scratch paper to show his hard work. Such a precious moment.

Split-Person-Ality

Sometimes I smile
Sometimes I frown
Sometimes I stay silent and let you walk away
Sometimes I cuss you out before you stray
Sometimes I take shots back and dance
Sometimes I smoke weed and relax
Sometimes I sit back and think about pain in the world
Sometimes I sit back and say fuck the world
Sometimes I pray at night and pour my heart out
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth even praying about
Sometimes I am ready to spread love and uplift
Sometimes I get frustrated at people's bullshit
Sometimes I wonder why my mind is so busy
Sometimes I accept that it's just my split-personality

Stir Crazy

The only way to rest is to relieve my chest from all the emotions that the day brings. I am a very thoughtful person. I think about everyone and everything throughout my day. I think about the lady that walked pass me and smiled. I think about the little kids that ran in front of my car while drinving. I think about housework. I think about everything and too much that my emotions run wild everyday. I think too much.

Haunted Past

Our past will always be apart of self. We do not have to dwell on the past but instead, we should grow from it. We need to use our past mistakes, regrets, failures and even painful experiences as learning experiences for growth. We as independent individuals have the tendency to block the past. Blocking the past is not a reliever, instead a burden. Whenever we are reminded about that piece of past, a piece of burden grows around the heart. This burden reminds me of iron. We ignore the fact that our heart has the ability to heal if we open it up to hurt but when we bandage that hurt to keep the pain in, we block it. We stop the hurt from pouring out. So iron grows around our heart until we can no longer feel pain. Our heart is now made of iron. So this iron becomes cold and heartless. We are now so cold that we become numb to the world from this iron heart.

Relief

The feeling of accomplishment is one of the most relieving feelings in the world. The way your heart warms up in your chest and the rest of your body is able to completely relax is easing to the soul. Accomplishing a major, or even minor task is a healthy, natural boost of energy to attack more goals.

WonderLand

I often drive in a silent car, listening to my thoughts. I reflect on life and how it has led me to where I am now. I think about the people who I've interacted with, situations that could have been different, and how people may view me. My mind wonders in so many ways that I have to control feelings of hurt, pain, frustration, joy, love, strength, humility, and the simple but most complex question of, 'who am I?' I've taken this time to get to know myself everyday so now I question if the people around me are going to be able to accept who I am. I wonder while viewing the world outside of my windshield and my mind is taking me on an endless road to wonderland. I wonder what may happen next.

Breast Cancer Awarness

I felt the pain
But convinced my mind
To exchange ignorance
With strength.
I can take this pain
I'm a grown woman
What's a little pain,
Every now and again?
Here and there
A couple of times a week
I questioned the pain once
But didn't give thought to
The answer that I seek.
I looked in the mirror
Topless, viewing my breast
They look fine
They're probably just FINALLY growing
Is my guess
My period comes the next day
Oh, that's all that it was
I knew I would get the answer
If I pray.
But the question was still
Unanswered
Just ignorant conclusions of denial
Deep in my mind
I ignore the voice
Telling me to
Seek the truth...
There is more to this pain
So I look in the mirror
Topless, once again
I tried the test
That the doctor told me
The test they always talked about
On the television screen
That Test!
I did the test and felt no difference
So I ignored
Once again
The obvious circumstances
Of my body saying
Make that call
Just to be sure.
But,
I continued to work
Day after day
Admiring how my breast
Look
When I noticed that perfect swell
The new bra
The shirts I now fill
It's the new me!
I have this new walk
Confidence
Admiring my physical
People's compliments.
No, not verbally
Just their eyes piercing at my
Twins.
I feel a new since of womanhood
That has grown inside of me
I HAVE BREAST NOW!
I'M A TOTAL COMPLETE PACKAGE
now....
It was until
That pain struck
Took my breath away
Unable to stand up straight
Fell to my knees
This striking pain
Lasting a lifetime
(or that's how it seems)
Unable to speak
The strength has faded
The ignorance took it's stab
Knocked me to my knees
Feeling weak.
Unable to breathe
I lay there
breathless....

Awaken to lights
I hear a voice talking
Unable to put together this man's voice
Until I glance up at his white gown
It's a doctor talking
What's happening?
I question
But unable talk
Due to this tube in my throat
The doctor glances down
To see my dazed eyes open
He looks over
My eyes follow his
To view my mother
Sitting in the chair
Red eyed
She stands
Grabs my hand
Kisses my forehead
I feel a tear
Slide from my eye
Down to my ear
As I see on the bored behind her
Breast Cancer patient.



I want to clear up the fact that I have not been through this painful experience but I know people who have. This is not a real life situation but it's my way to express the importance of this disease. We need to be aware! This is my dedication to breast cancer awareness.

Heavy Hearted

Today I woke up with my heart caved into my chest. It's amazing what a night's sleep can give you. It can either give you a fresh start when the sun shines through your curtains or it could be a pain in your heart when you hear the rain pouring against your window pane. Window pane. This morning I felt the pain when I looked out the window from a past that haunts my emotional state of mind. I have the tendency to give my whole heart to people that are undeserving. Friends and family. People I don't know. People that I want to know. This is the way that God has made me and sometimes I wonder if I could have a little cold in my heart. I wonder what it feels like to have that ice cold heart that burns a person's hand whenever they touch it. Black Ice. I wonder what is going on in their mind but I can honestly say that God redirects those feelings when I begin to start getting myself together to start the day. That feeling is a forever lasting feeling that comes to light from time to time. Thank God for Him, my sister and my poetry this morning.

Strong Base

I have realized in life that in order to be successful, we have to make sure that our base is strong. Making that strong base takes time. Years. We learn that having a lot of money is the key to happiness but what most of us don't realize is that we have to make ourselves before the money makes us. Being successful is a learning experience. Our attitudes are tested, money comes and goes, people come into our lives and we have to figure out what to do with those people. We are constantly being tested on how to handle ourselves. I believe it's a test to see if we have the patience to be successful. We can have the look and make a lot of money without taking the time to know ourselves or we can take the time to know ourselves then plan on making a lot of money. Take control and don't ever be controlled. This test trial in life is a make or break situation. I plan on setting my foundation to be a successful woman in this world. In order to do that, I am accepting the fact that I have a lot to learn and I am being patient while working my hardest to be successful. Success will come and with success comes money. Money will come but success will not always come with money. I am working on my base.

Out of Context

Sometimes I feel that I may say things that offend people. It's not about what was said, it's about how it was taken. I don't understand why someone can take it out of context until I put myself in their shoes. I think about what was said, how they may be feeling with life and their personal views. Let me make this clear, I will not apologize for what was said but I will say that I will make sure the person feels that I did not mean to offend them.

Today, I told a friend of mine to come over and hang out tonight. I told her to come hang out but we will not talk on anything negative or any bullshit. She took it wrong. What I meant was, I feel so happy and positive with life and nothing is going to break me down. I'm going to use this positive energy that I'm feeling to hopefully lift my friend so the negativeness can be left at the door.

I will not apologize for somebody's assumptions, but I will explain myself to clear up any misunderstandings.

Life's Advantage

Take advantage of life, don't let life take advantage of you. While you're sitting there crying and drowning in your tears from what happened to you, time is passing. Time is passing everytime you say that you cant do something. Time is passing everytime you sit on the couch talking about your're bored. Time is always busy, are you? While you are sitting there talking about how you don't have the time to do something, time is doing something to you. Take advantage of life, don't let life take advantage of you.

No Limit

When you set limits, you take away from yourself. Let me elaborate. I said that I was a poet which grew to writing a book which grew to the urge of wanting to write music and so on. I took in writing as my passion and realized that there are so many things that I can do with this art that God has blessed me with. I did not limit myself to JUST A POET. I ran with it and I'm growing more and more everyday. So my point is to embrace a joy and expand it to a passion.

Taking a Chance

‎"Don't rain on my parade...Life's too short to waste one day...I'm gonna risk it all....freedom to fall.....sure looks good to me...." -Vocals: A. Keys

Would you take the chance to jump off the highest skyscraper to fall into freedom? Is it worth the joy in the end?

Genuine Love

To love and feel comfortable with myself and my life decisions. It is the greatest joy. I am proud to say that I can walk with my back straight and chin up. I am walking in confidence so I am sure that if somebody does something wrong to me, I am able to not recover, but not even be bothered by their negative actions. Whatever makes you smile, make sure you do it. If steering people the wrong way makes you happy, well that's a decision that you have to make and I hope it works for you. A person with self love and confidence will let it roll off their back and be able to keep moving forward. So I have just some simple advice, get to know yourself. Not artificial but genuinely.

Night to Remember

So I am super excited about today. I have been naturally high off life but today is a whole other attitude. Tonight is the night that I am reading at a spoken word. I am in a tug-o-war with my poems. I am still unsure of what I'm going to read tonight and so I have stored a few poems in my memory bank. Now it's just a decision on which one to say. Other than that road block, I AM SO EXCITED!

Tonight is going to be a night to remember because the greatest poets in Seattle are apart of this showcase. Not only am I looking forward to hearing these artist's amazing words, it's my brother and sister-in-law's 10 year aniversary. Some of my closests freinds are going to be there supporting the art that I absolutely love and a few of my cousins. We are going to have a wonderful, beautiful night that is going to be in the history books.

Support System

I am big when it comes to having a support system. The people that I choose to be in my life are all considered support in some kind of way. They are encouraging, uplifting and enthusiastic. I am excited by their goals and they are the same when I share my success and goals with them. In my eyes, there is no stopping us. There is nothing wrong with putting in hard work and fighting to get what you deserve out of life. I'm enjoying my life to the fullest no matter what negative distractions come abroad.

I talked with a friend yesterday and this is someone that is always encouraging and excited about life. She has her goals in place and so do I. One thing that I admire is her drive to make NO excuses to get where she is going. This friend has unknowingly taught me a lot about not giving up and hard work. Although we are the same age, I think very highly of her.

There are many other friends and family members like her that have encouraged and uplifted me. It's almost like I know who to call when I am feeling a certain way. This is called the support system that we all need in our lives. We are only human so there is no way that we are able to feel on top of the world at all times. With God first, He will place special people in our lives. That is why it's good to NEVER BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm making myself look like a complete fool by putting my business from my past out there. I think that people might be talking amongst each other about my blog site. I also think about if people really like my poetry or just say it because they think its what I want to hear. These things bother me sometimes. I have to question myself every time I begin to write a blog, like if I should really let the public eye view this and what will the people that "know" me say about this. I sometimes wonder what people's views are of me. Then I pray and ask God to keep directing me.

Acknowledge

We are all blessed but it is a beautiful thing when we acknowledge it. When we start embracing the blessings that God has in store for us, this is when we begin to recognize our direction in life. We are in control of the wheel while God is our direction. We cannot forget to ask God for what we THINK we want but, we must keep in mind that God will bless us with what we NEED and can handle.

Personal Outcome

Everything happens for a reason. We wonder and ask God, "why me?" We ask ourselves and shed tears saying, "why is this happening to me?" Or, on a positive note, we ask God, "Why did you choose me?" What are the results in your life and how did you get to where you are? Are you happy with the outcomes? If your are not, what can you do to change your situation? What would you do different or do you think that you have no where else to go?

I believe that we all have a positive outcome in the end. It is up to self to make changes in our life to make a difference. Everyone isn't built to be a star, doctor, mother, father. We are built to be God's children who work hard to make the best outcome out of our lives. It doesn't take the crying and complaining about how bad our life is. It's not about holding onto that negative energy because it's convenient energy. It's about being able to smile day to day and when you lay your head down at night, you can honestly say to yourself that you GENUINELY worked your hardest.

I Just Want Everything

I just want a voice. I just want to be heard. I just want to be seen. I just want exposure. I just want people to understand me. I just want people to relate to me. I just want to be loved. I just want to be the best. I just want money. I just want to travel. I just want a whole lot of money to do what ever I want. I just want so many things in life, so I'm going to work harder everyday until I'm working my hardest to just get what I want!

Time's Wasting

Sometimes I forget what my goals are and I loose focus. I begin to look back at where I was and if I could have done that different than I would have succeeded already. I think about how my money was spent and how my financial situation could be so much better right now. I also think about how I could be investing in my own home and how I should already have a published book. I sit back and think about how I should have done things different so much that it makes me depressed. And then I think about how bad it's effecting my future that I keep holding onto the things I did wrong in the past. Why are we wasting the present with the past that is leading us to our future?

Pray About It

Young woman,
I see your hurt
I see your pain
I see you working your hardest
To work
But life drives you
Insane
I see the cloud
Hanging over your head
And the rain pouring down
From under your eyes
I hear your crys
To eat
While everyone else
Is full
But as I notice
Your stare
At the next person
Claiming a full stomach
I want you to know
My sister
That they posses
A fullness of crap
They drink from your
Fountain of tears
And eat from your
Plate of emotion
So even though
You may feel that
You have no place to go
Know that
You posses a strength
That only God knows
And because you eat from
God's fruit
And continue to be full from
God's faith
Stay strong,
Don't stray
Because you're building strength
To be able to handle
God's blessings that he has in store.

Life's Path

I'm tired. I must go on. Boulders are falling in my path. I manage to dodge them. I have to keep moving forward no matter what detour I have to take. As long as I am walking with each step moving forward, I will be alright. I am tired but this path is too dangerous to stop, sit and rest. I take a drink of water and move forward. I will rest when I reach the end.

Research, than Believe

You take what you're given but
Don't do your research.
Like,
Let's take what I'm about to tell you.
It's gonna sound real good to your ears,
But what am I telling you?
What is it?
It sounds good and
You might want to use it
without doing your research.
You are going to
Repeat what I say because
The source sounds good.
So you repeat what
"Sounds good"
without siting the source
Because it's everything that you want to hear.
Now don't get me wrong,
I have some real talk to share.
But,
I know you're wondering
If I'm telling you to not believe.
NO
I'm telling you to
Check your source before you start
Repeating and Believing
Everything that you are told.
And
If you DO believe it and repeat,
Than site your source.

Positive Environment

It is important to place yourself in a positive environment. If you are feeling down, call a friend. If life is going down hill at a speed that is uncontrollable, call onto God. Life is a huge challenge. We all are having difficulties and challenges that we all have to work through. You are not alone in this. One thing that I can honestly say is that we are all a product of our environment. This has to do with the environment that we are living in. It's not about the environment that you came from, it's about the environment that you are working on. I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately: Who am I surrounding myself with? Where am I going in life? Who is going to encourage me and give me that extra push when I need it? Is my house in order? Is my life organized? What do I need to do to get to the feeling of success?
These are all questions that have clogged my mind and as soon as I started to answer instead of ignore, I began to begin my journey to success. And now I can honestly say that, I AM ON MY ROAD TO SUCCESS. Yes, I can say that because I was influenced and encouraged by my environment. I began to keep positive people around me with goals in place. I began to grasp goals of my own and pushed them into play. The one that I think is the most important question that I answered is, I began to organize my home life by keeping the bills paid and house clean. If our home life is a mess, it's hard to believe that our brain isn't scattered. That's just my opinion.

I Am an Example

"After my children grow up
I'll become a person again." -Susan Polis Schutz: Do It Now Sister

My life is not mine until my kids are grown and out of the house. This is what some of us women actually believe. I used to believe this statement. I felt that I needed to give up myself to be the proper leader for my children by telling them what the need to do. What happened to leading by example and teaching along the way. We as adults should feel free to treat ourselves and spoil ourselves. I'm not talking about getting the babies child support check and buying an expensive outfit to hit the club scene telling people, "I'm doin' me" while your kids are sleep and the neighbor is keeping an eye on the house because they said that they will. That's foolish, in my opinion, to act so wreck less. Or even listening to hard core rap in front of children on your way to work and get mad when your children are doing what the song is talking about. This is another subject that I'm going to touch on so let me get back to my point. I'm talking about the parents that work hard, earn their money, include their children on vacations, teach their children when they made mistakes instead of punishing them without an explanation. I'm talking about taking care of home and when the parent wants to take the vacation without their kids, the children don't feel left out because they know that they are taken care of. I'm talking about chasing a passion on your extra time so you can quit that day to day job that has you worn out everyday. We all should try to figure out what makes us smile. When we finally lay our heads down at night after working our ass off all day with work, kids, homework, kids, housework, kids; we should be able to reflect on the day and smile, thank God in our nightly prayer and sleep peacefully. It's not perfect world but we can at least assure ourselves that we can be happy. If our children see how happy we are (and trust me, they know when we are miserable) and feel the openness to express themselves, they will know what to do as an adult to make themselves smile.

Forgiven but never Forgotten

I have spoke on how I feel on men, ex-husband and being a woman. One thing that I feel the need to do is make clear. I have been a woman that has gone through pain. The reason for the pain was because I didn't know myself. When I was in my early 20's, I felt the need to start a family early. I don't know if it something to do with the abortion as a teen but the urge was there. I met my ex-husband in high school. We were "boyfriend and girlfriend" during my senior year. I went to college for a quarter and moved back home. I gave up basketball to come home because I was "homesick" and made excuses like, "I feel out of love for the game." Not to dwell on the past, but that's leading me to my point. During that time, I was unaware of WHO I WAS. I came home and got pregnant, engaged, pregnant again, married, pregnant again. Where does that third pregnancy come in at if I only have two kids? Well, I was pregnant when I left my husband and lost my third child. During those years of living my "family" life, I just wanted my boys to have their parents in the house by any means necessary. My attitude was one of a living zombie. I went with the flow and everyone around me (that knew me pre-marriage) couldn't stand being around me. Sometimes I wonder if my sister moving to New York has something to do with it. My best friend cussed me out on a regular and even kept a far distance for a couple years. I was an abuse victim.
Well, I can proudly say that I fell victim. I fell because I did not know myself. Why am I proud? Well, I feel blessed to go through that life experience and share it with woman who may be going through this. Now, this is no excuse for my ex-husband but when you give yourself the opportunity to get to know yourself, you have full control of your life. I would not have taken abuse if I would have stood up in the beginning. I blame myself for realizing that. But, we all live and we learn. With realizing that, I've grown to forgive myself and my ex-husband.
I use my past as a way for the women in our future to notice that small light at the end of the tunnel. We can all work through a painful experience. One thing that I can say about my ex-husband is that we have built a great friendship. I can reflect on a time when he called me about having another child. I made him make a promise to me that he would never put his hands on another woman and if he ever felt the need, to just leave the house or shoot me a call. He is a good father to our boys. Through the bullshit that we've put our two boys through, we agreed that we will never expose a conflict in their presence. So far, so good. Instead, I walk down the street with him and cuss him clean out while he stands there in awe. I know he's wondering where I grew the "balls" but damn it, it feels good to know who I am and not take any shit from anyone, especially someone (that I'll never forget) who caused a great deal of pain in my past. You are forgiven but I will never forget.

A Young Man's Strength

My young men have inspired me
to appreciate a man
The role I see my young me take on
Just naturally is protective
The strength I've once seen
Women take,
I see in young men.
Holding the world on his shoulders
with the strength to carry it on his back.
He has the natural feeling to need
He needs to take care of his family
Because he was a witness of abuse
A victim is unacceptable,
Just a witness who's grown so wise.
Our young men is a new generation,
The generation to recreate men
Because somewhere along the line,
Man was misinterpreted as
BEAST, POSSESSOR, ABUSER
PLAYA, GANSTUH, PIMP.
Whatever happened to MAN?
I've witnessed a lot of switch
Like it's okay of a man to walk
And switch his hips,
smack his lips and,
roll his eyes
and snap his fingertips.
I've witnessed a lot of womanizing
and brainwashing woMAN.
Like it's okay for a woman to laugh
when a "man"
smacks her on the ass and
grabs her arm and
slams her down and
tells her that she's just a hoe,
"can a nigga hit?" and
"suck my dick!"
Then calls you names but
you think they're nicknames.
NO MY WOMEN,
this is NOT a MAN!
But what's the difference?
I see my men
My men that I'm raising
with the help from a MAN.
My pops
A MAN
Their uncles are MEN
The ABUSER, the PLAYA
the POSSESSOR, the BEAST.
My men witness these traits
But they know and are always wise
to learn
from
the
MEN!

Back Straight, Chin Up: Air

Back Straight, Chin Up: Air: "My heart is caved into my chest. I don't understand what's going on. My breaths are short and my eyes can't focus. My head feels heavy bu..."

Flashback: Air

My heart is caved into my chest.

I don't understand what's going on.

My breaths are short

and my eyes can't focus.

My head feels heavy

but I can't manage to lay down.

The air that you pollute my world with

is holding me in this room.

This air has clouted my brain.

I need air.

I need fresh air.

You're holding on to my dear life

with the strength of your air.

I'm trying to focus on the door nob

and coming up with a plan

to give my hand the strength

to turn the door nob.

Oh, my body is weak.

I need to crack the window

and let air into this room of rotten pollution.

My breaths are getting shorter and shorter.

I see my life fading with every breath

that you take away from me.

I'm watching myself fade into you.

I see you stealing the air that I breathe

and breathing it for me.

I lost myself in this room,

being your second soul.

Motivation is the Key to Success

I love a person that works hard. A person that doesn't make excuses and gives 100% on anything that they do is very inspiring. When a person works hard even when brick walls block their path but that person keeps fighting to break thru, I feel like it's motivating to observe them work hard. There is no such thing as failure if your heart is 100% into succeeding. Motivation is the Key to Success. So do yourself a favor and find a passion that is deep in your soul and grasp that motivation and don't let go of it.

Spotter

I've experienced a lot of mess in my life that would give another person every reason to say "I QUIT" in life. With quiting basketball to follow the life of partying even when a Division 1 offer was on my table, getting pregnant at the age of 18, getting married at the age of 21, and ending that marriage due to domestic violence. I lost myself for a whole 7 years in my life. I would walk around like life was normal but deep down, I just wanted life to end (even tried to make that happen). But that's not in me. I even went through a stage after my divorce of partying and living the "free" life. That ended quick(but still being judged by it). I can care less. I feel that I needed that freedom to breathe for a while and I caught my breath. As soon as I caught my breath, I got down to business all in a one year period. I left the divorce with absolutely nothing (because I couldn't bare to bring my past into my new life) and made something out of it. I know that some women are not as strong but with the help of a spotter she is able to build that strength. But sometimes, that spotter falls weak also. We need to realize that our friend, sister, mother may be our backbone but they may need a spotter as well. It's important to keep the workout room a positive environment to strengthen each other.

Back Straight, Chin Up: Cover Up

Back Straight, Chin Up: Cover Up: "So all of my life, I was taught strength. In the whole learning process of learning strength, I lost the ability to express emotion. So in..."

Cover Up

So all of my life, I was taught strength. In the whole learning process of learning strength, I lost the ability to express emotion. So instead of showing emotion, I walked EVERYDAY with a smile on my face. When I'm hurt, I smile. When I'm sad, I smile. When I have the world on my shoulders, I take a drink and smile. Nobody knows when I am feeling a certain way because I smile. When I AM feeling down, I am unsure on how to express my feelings so I listen to the next person's troubles. My advice gives strentgh and hope to the next person which makes me smile. While I see this person grow from my simple words, I begin to soul search and wonder if my smile is......genuine.

Back Straight, Chin Up: Living the past or next person's life

Back Straight, Chin Up: Living the past or next person's life: "So I was curious because I notice people talking about what they used to do, how the used to be a superstar and getting into heated discussi..."

Living the past or next person's life

So I was curious because I notice people talking about what they used to do, how the used to be a superstar and getting into heated discussions of "I DID." And then I see those same people that are re-living their past by pressuring their children to be what they were. Is there something wrong with this picture? Did we forget that EVERY person is an individual along the way of living our lives even though we recreate. Or shall I open our eyes a little more to say that WE don't recreate, God creates every single one of us. God just gave us the opportunity to raise a child that he sent through our bodies to teach the Word of God and to let them express themselves in the light of God. I get confused when I'm at a football practice or basketball game and these fathers are arguing on the side about "I did this and my son is going to be just like how I was." Question: Do you REALLY want your son to be like you? I mean, look at you. (not being judgemental) But really, look in the mirror and ask yourself this: DO I WANT MY CHILD TO BE WHAT I WAS OR DO I WANT MY CHILD TO BE A GROWING BRANCH THAT STRETCHES WIDE FROM MY TREE?

My point is, let our growing kids of the world express themselves because there is a lot of hidden talent hiding in their souls.

Encourage instead of Pressure!!!!!

-----Angela Rose-----

Back Straight, Chin Up: Eye Contact

Back Straight, Chin Up: Eye Contact: "When you meet somebody and your eyes are lost in your soul, are your eyes really speaking eye contact when you are talking to somebody? Or a..."

Eye Contact

When you meet somebody and your mind is spinning but your eyes are staring straight into the eyes of another, are your eyes really speaking eye contact when you are talking to that person? Or are you showing the person that you REALLY are lost in your own mind?

Back Straight, Chin Up: My Chin Touched my Chest and I Fell

Back Straight, Chin Up: My Chin Touched my Chest and I Fell: "I always encourage the young women that I coach to walk with your head up. Although their ages range from 8-13 years old, I make sure that ..."

My Chin Touched my Chest and I Fell

I always encourage the young women that I coach to walk with your head up. Although their ages range from 8-13 years old, I make sure that they understand the presence of confidence.